The weight of the WORLD on my shoulderz Cloudz my head…

I feel the stress coming back. I see kids walking down the street wit there friends. I haven’t had a phone for the past 2 weeks and I haven’t talked to Chris, or other hommies. I told Francisco I would call him and that he would make some money…the fucker bailed out on me. I feel the tension in my neck. Living in a bad hood doesn’t help. I am supposed to help some boy slang purplez. My vacation is over. I have no hommies I can trust, no friends; maybe I just don’t know what itz like. Too many stab you in the back, figuratively, and fo real. U got the tension of thinking every day you might get cut, or ran up on. Nobody knows whut is like looking through my eyes every day…it can take I toll on you, after a while I know the numbness will come, it always does…

I just can get these kids, walking down the street laughing. I’m not some fuckin bitch that stays on the computer all day. Shit, for most of my life I never owned a computer; anyways I hang wit hommies all the time I juss neva truss them, to much. I guess my expatiations are just too high. They say learn from your experiences, well mine have grown on me. I don’t even have some old grandma, or anybody for that matter. No cosinz…shit lets just put it that was… o have shit. Fuck it hard I just have to get thought it like I do all these other times. It just always seems different. Go deal with fuckin fagots for 7 hrs. Is not what I cal fun. Fuckin little bastards that say than it is are bitches, fuckin fagots.

Same house (with no fuckin carpet), same car, same rode I walk every day excluding two dayz for workin’. The air is heavy and tense, it seams that someone is stepping on my chest, as every breath takes effort.

Last year I did really shitty but now I hope these fuckers allow me to have the opportunity to fuckin better myself….or ill just have to take it.

Allot of people who put these bullshit blogs are afraid to show there face. I just don’t give a shit. I do theses posts for me. Cause of my current emotionally unstable state. No. im not crazy…well I might b. if I am then I wouldn’t know how an un-crazy person would be…right. unless I pretended I was crazy to portray a fact that only you would see. Each person with different interpretations of what I am…fuck it I don’t care…you shouldn’t either.

As is life

~B

h0Ld Up!!

 

New post coming soon.

How are you doing?

Why is shit so complex? When you think about it we made shit this complex. Now we have fucked the world up! Yesterday was a real kinda “F’ed up” day. I read Becoming Taiwan blog, and it made me think of what I want. I feel that I have gone to some places and it doesn’t feel what I experienced when I was a kid. I think if more people thought like a kid they wouldn’t think things were impossible. The mind is a powerful computer and I still don’t think that we have tapped into it yet. 

I don’t want to confuse anybody thinking, “What the hell is he talking about”. So I will stick to the mid-basics.

Let me ask you a question. When was the last time you experienced complete tranquility or juss one experience that you have never had before.

Like for me, it was when I got laid…ha…na im juss playin. But fo real. I feel that this summer in CALI, they are juss gettin shorter and less happening. See I don’t have allot of money. Shit for vacation im going camping, I here a lot of people have done nothing also. But this last time I went camping it was not the way I wanted it to be because I could not see the water and I did not walk at night. See u wouldn’t know, but usually we would walk at night like hiking down to the lake. It is so fuckin tight. I have been lucky enough to see sights in my young life.  I find myself trying to keep an open mind. Trying to take my mind off reality and make my own…to see like a child would see every thing as new and adventurous. I think the problem with people it that they want to see all these places, but once they see them they look back and say, aww that’s it? I find myself looking at photos ECT. And feel like I could of done something more at that moment in time.

When you think narrow minded you can not experience what is the good in life. Many people have different ways of thinking; you just have to find you own damm happiness’. This takes me back to: “Don’t ask me, I’m lost too…”

If you could understand any thing that I said, I hope you can squeeze any guidance from it good for you.

~B

Fucked…ya..this world today

If you read the top of this post you may want to leave now…that is if you don’t want to hear me talk shit that may cause you to have a fucked afternoon….

Anyway. My thoughts…well my fucked day I had to deal with such fuckin idiots. Kids go on this bullshit myspace and talk to there friends and shit. You here a lot of drama from ten girls about “Drey left me you know..” and I feel like…look you fuckin idiot…we are having mass world fuckin wars…and your fuckin worried about some bullshit boyfriend. Or how about that little bitch always causing shit….spreading bullshit rumors…who give a fuck if joie fucked Miranda….Bitches. I just think that we could save ourselves allot of bullshit by. By not creating it for ourselves. I’m just panting like an asshole because I have to deal with a bunch of stupid shit. Look I’m a descent guy…I can’t even believe I have a blog….fuckin crazy…so I can type shit that some how makes you feel worse and better at the same time. Keep in mind that I am a sane man…or I think I am, if I wasn’t a sane man how could I judge a sane one…right? It makes you think….what is sane, it not doing the extraordinary…if that the case many heroes and population would meet the insufficient means to be sane.

I suck at spelling…as you probably know. Something I don’t do; texting fucks kids grammar…I should know. As for me…I started having good spelling…until I was like 11 yrs old…can you believe it…some of the most fucked time in my life. I used to draw pictures of what I wanted to be when I was older…just to find out that all I wanted to do, wouldn’t become true.

If you read my last post, I lost an uncle with out good by, thanks to my drunk aunt. It was not all her fault. He was ass asshole. Fucker never talked to me ever again. Said fuck my mother and father and told my aunt…when she says me…fuck me too. A couple months latter my aunt in Mexico, Favorite uncle (uncle C., I used to call him), and brother die. In the same fuckin year… Now all I got is my mother who doesn’t know how to handle her kid’s behavior’s any more. When I break down she tells me to shut up. I understand she is under allot of pressure….

I never regret what I say, because I know what I’m saying, I just wish I could have said it in a different way. I only say things for a reason, sometimes option or stupidity. Seriously I apologize if I did any shit to offend you. I don’t expect for anyone to forgive me…shit I problem couldn’t forgive me but when you think about it you are only affecting your self and you are lying to yourself if you think I’m wrong.

For those of you sitting there thinking…WTF is this guy talking about…don’t worry just more ranting…basicly fuckin forgive me you asshole. I made a mistake. Listen the fuck up.

Shit now I feel like I have to put a fucking PARENTAL ADVISORY STICKER on the top of this shit…ha.

Any way thanks for reading or even skimming this bullshit. You don’t have to. Feel free o post hate mail…or there is always a “hi hope you are doing well” that can make my f*ed day. Anyway thx’s and all of you have a good night.

~B